Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The Buck Puns Stop Here

Losing to the Bucks is like peeing your pants at school in that I can't believe it happened to me. I never thought I would see a Bucks team so consistent in passing, but I also never thought I'd see Raymond Felton have a decent game, and here we stand.

This game was overcome with rookie mistakes, and I'm not talking about a Nolan Smith turnover. Also, holding hands with the newbies, or rather, from the hands of the newbies (to cross-pollinate the metaphor), was a night devoid of any bench scoring whatsoever. 0-20 was the last number I heard on bench field goals, and 1 point during that time on a 1 for 2 trip to the stripe by second in the league Jamal Crawford. Happy birthday it was not.

Besides that though, like I said, the game was dominated by the rookies, particularly rookie referee "Sir" Alan Thomas and Interim "Head Coach" Kaleb Canales.

There was a stretch during this game that one referee was having himself a field day of atrocities, including a run of charges rung up on the home team, all calls going against the hometeam and a 5 minutes discussion with Joel Przybilla about how a jump ball should occur. Why a rookie ref is instructing a veteran big man where to put his feet, how to stand and how to knit a sweater when the only necessary steps are whistle-toss is an explanation I hope to see very soon from this particular referee.

Why he is named 'Sir' is a question for his parents, though I wouldn't be shocked to learn they're from South Carolina and wanted to add some royalty to their bloodline. I suppose that is how you start the regal progeny,  by naming them so. I guess they couldn't wait for Alan to underwhelm them by never reaching the low potential he was aimed for in the first place, and figured they'd start early. It used to be people earned titles from dignitaries, but perhaps the new age is one of bestowing titles at birth so people don't have to do something as difficult as say, working for them.

But even he couldn't control the entire game, with his no-calling, no-calling, TECHNICAL pattern he had going. Kaleb Canales had himself a third game for the memories, if the memories were my demential grandmother's. Kaleb really showcased his lack of experience with poor substitutions, ineptitude of pace and complete and utter nothingness on the sideline. It takes more than standing, clapping and yelling "C" and nodding to be a coach in today's NBA. As a former video intern I suppose a sideline view may distort his perception a bit, but I hope in reviewing the tape of tonight's game he realizes the disaster he induced with his [non] command of the game.

It was actually around bench mishap 14 that I remembered why Whoopi Goldberg got a chance to coach in Eddie. I really should get myself into the stands with a whiteboard, because for sure tonight's game would have fared better for the home team. I'm not saying I'm more experienced running an NBA squad, but I am saying I could do more on my first game than Canales did with his third. I don't need to watch any game tape to know how to fix his mistakes. When you don't have anyone to inbound, you have to realize either your practice sessions are a curb-stomping away from American History X, or the subs you have in there aren't making up the group of guys you want on the floor at the same time. Going more than seven minutes of game time without scoring a point, without a timeout or a substitution? I mean, come on. I don't even go that long in NBA Live without a line-up change, and I score 200 points in 20 minutes.

His woeful coaching job was only amplified by the piss-poor shooting done by players 6-12 of the team. A lot can be said in chemistry; there was none, and lack of practice; I can't speak for that, but all in all, they plain didn't play professional basketball. The first quarter was fine, the pace was up tempo, the crowd in the game, the ball movement proficient. Come the second quarter and then...any time after that, and any momentum or cohesiveness was kaput. Back to the drawing board, Kaleb. Go at it old school like in the video room if you need to, just don't forget that it is time for an interim, not an intern.

Balls Out Blazer: Matthews. Dude had some passes that needed to make it and did, and got his shooter's touch back these past three games, including going 4-4 to start from behind the arc. Also, he scrapped and got some great defensive plays.

Could have been better: LaMarcus. Definitely needed some passing from this dude. Did a tremendous job on offensive rebounds, and I know "coach" probably called a kabillion plays too many to him, but sometimes you have to shoulder the on-floor play more than say, someone that just got promoted last week. I can't blame you for the play, did well, just more passing in some of these situations. One play in particular was an NBA Jam dream where LA was one-on-two and Wesley Matthews was wide open for a three, but LA faded for a short-rimmed miss. Wes would've set the net on fire, L-Train. Nest time.

Horriawful: The bench. Not much more can be said than the statistics. I don't even want to boxscore them it was so bad. Let's just say, I hope Babbitt is like Sampson, because he was sure looking like it tonight. Crawesome did too much cake and ice cream and not enough wishing and Nolan Smith was duped, not Duke.

See you next game, 'Zers.

Focker, out.

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